


Paradise

by orphan_account



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:42:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How if I leave and keep you locked here forever?" Howon asks, his voice deep and threatening.<br/>"But you always come back." Myungsoo says, smiling. "I know you'll always come back."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paradise

It's cold.

Myungsoo shivers, hugging himself to block all of the coldness that has been attacking him without any mercy. He wonders how a room can be so cold—when nothing should make it that cold. Or maybe, it is just him who is cold, not the room. In his darkness, he can feel the emptiness of the room. He is sure that there is nothing other than him. He doesn't need to see to know that.

It's dark and it's cold. But Myungsoo's not scared, because if Myungsoo feels scared, he will lose everything that he currently has. Myungsoo has decided since long ago, that he won't feel scared of anything anymore.

The door creaks open and Myungsoo looks up, even though he can't see anything. A smile starts to form, knowing that he is finally being let go from the room and knowing who comes. There is only one person who comes, the only person he knows in this world.

"Howonnie." He calls out with a happy tone, like a child meeting his parent after a long time.

"Are you scared, now?" Howon asks. Myungsoo can hear his footsteps, getting louder as the seconds pass. Myungsoo can smell the scent of freshly washed hair and the scent of body soap on Howon's body, telling him that Howon just cleans himself before he unlocks this room.

"No, I'm not." Myungsoo answers firmly, "I told you, I'm not scared of anything anymore."

"Don't lie." Howon says, "If you're scared then say that you are scared. Or do I need to lock you in here longer?"

"But I'm not scared."

He can feel Howon’s warm hands touching his face, hovering above the skin his cheeks. Myungsoo grabs Howon’s hands, putting his face in between them, enjoying the warmth that is radiating to his cold skin. Howon lets him.

"How if I leave and keep you locked here forever?" Howon asks, his voice deep and threatening. It sounds forced.

"But you always come back." Myungsoo says, smiling to Howon, "I know you'll come back so I'm not scared."

"You're stupid." Howon says, followed by a scoff. Myungsoo ignores him and instead pulling Howon closed to him until their body are really close, Myungsoo’s chin almost rests on Howon’s shoulder. Myungsoo closes his eyes and comforts himself in Howon’s scent.

"You smell so nice."

 

*****

 

Myungsoo moves his body up and down at a fast pace, almost breathless. He can feel sweats trickling down from his temple, his body feels hot in contrast to the cold he felt earlier. He lets out a few quiet moans out, letting Howon knows that he is trying hard.

Howon’s cock is hard inside of his hole. Myungsoo is riding him, trying to make him come. He can’t see how Howon looks like, but he can feel Howon’s chest rises up and down, his breaths coming fast. He can feel the sweats on Howon’s body, feeling how tense Howon is under his body.

Myungsoo moves faster, trying to please Howon. He almost comes because Howon’s cock keeps hitting his prostate, sending jolts of electricity throughout his body. But Myungsoo doesn’t want to ejaculate before Howon does—Howon’s pleasure always comes first. He will do anything to make Howon feel happy with his presence.

Howon has always been too big for Myungsoo, but he doesn’t mind. He enjoys it.

Myungsoo almost yelps when Howon suddenly moves, pulling Myungsoo to the bed and switches their positions. Howon kisses him and Myungsoo eagerly responds to the kiss, letting Howon dominates him. When Howon stops, he starts making bruises on Myungsoo’s neck again.

"So eager to please me." Howon says, his voice hoarse, "This is pathetic."

"I know." Myungsoo says, wrapping his arms around Howon’s neck.

"At this point, you would let me do anything to you, wouldn't you?"

"Yes." Myungsoo says, "As long as you stay."

"Even if it's painful?"

"Yes."

Howon starts fucking him again.

 

*****

 

"I want to see your face." Myungsoo says, his head rests on Howon’s shoulder while they are watching the television. Or rather, for Myungsoo’s case, hearing it.

"You're blind." Howon says, stating the obvious, "It's a stupid wish."

Most of Myungsoo’s wishes are stupid. Myungsoo knows that. He wishes to have a happy and normal life, he wishes he can go live in the clouds, he wishes he can see Howon’s face. They’re all stupid wishes. Myungsoo knows.

"Still, I want to see your face." Myungsoo says again, "I want to know where you live."

Myungsoo knows a lot about Howon, but he doesn’t know anything like that. Howon never lets him know about some things he always wonders about.

"No." Howon says, the same answers Myungsoo gets every time he asks. The answer never stops Myungsoo from asking.

"Why?" Myungsoo asks, genuinely wondering, "I wonder how a Grim Reaper lives.”

Even a Grim Reaper has a life.

"Even if you can come to my house, it's useless." Howon explains, half-heartedly, "You can't see it anyway."

"Let me go to your house." Myungsoo requests, being stubborn. Myungsoo knows that Howon doesn’t like it when he’s being overly stubborn. He’s always complaining about that, but Myungsoo can’t help himself.

"I told you, No." Howon says again, sounding annoyed. He pulls Myungsoo closer to him, though, wrapping his arms around Myungsoo’s shoulder, "Do you want to get locked up again?"

"If I get locked up again, would you tell me where your house is?" Myungsoo asks, smiling. Sometimes it’s a joy to annoy Howon.

"No." Howon says, with a sigh, "You're so stubborn. Stupidly stubborn."

"I am."

"Stop asking or I'll leave you." Howon threatens.

"No, you can't go." Myungsoo says, "You saved me, so you have to take care of me."

 

*****

 

_"Please, stop it." Myungsoo begged again and again. He tried to get away, writhing under the hands that were pinning him to the bed. There were tears in his eyes and he was feeling pains all over his body. It hurt, it hurt a lot._

_The man ignored him and continued to pound on him mercilessly. Myungsoo didn’t like it, he hated it. The way the man was fucking him hurts and he wanted it to stop. He wanted to run away. He had tried to but the man started hitting him, beating him up. The man that was supposed to take care of him was abusing him instead._

_It had always been like this for years, after his parents died. He could never get away from this, from this house, from this man._

_His hole felt like it was on fire with how much it hurt, the lack of lube doing him no favors. The man’s hand now covering his mouth, making him unable to scream or to beg._

_It felt like an eternity before the man came and finally stopped. Myungsoo took his chance to get up and starts running, despite all the pain he was feeling. He couldn’t see anything and he didn’t know where to run to, but he was still trying._

_"Where are you going?!" The man screamed, running after him and caught him right away. The man grabbed his wrist and held it so tight until it hurt, while Myungsoo fought him, swinging his hand and his body to shake the man off._

_“Let me go!” Myungsoo screamed, feeling sick about all of the things he had gone through. The man punched him, making him fall with a loud thud. The man started pinning him to the ground again, but Myungsoo kicked him hard, hard enough to make the man stumbled and fell on his back._

_Myungsoo heard a loud crash and something shattering, followed by a groan and a curse._

_“You fucker!” The man leap at him, punching him hard. His body was pinned to the ground by the man’s body weight, he could only flail. His hand searched the ground to find something he could use as a weapon. It took several punches and hits before his hand found a piece of a broken mirror, his hand got sliced by the shard, but he picked it up and started to stab the man’s side, making the man stop hitting and scream in pain._

_While the man was disoriented, Myungsoo kept stabbing him mercilessly until it was the man’s turn to scream, “Stop it!”_

_Myungsoo didn’t hear him. He had only thought about how the man ruined his family, how the man beat him until one day he lost his sight, how the man took away his virginity, how the man ruined his life. He kept stabbing him until the man let out no more sounds, his body finally became lifeless._

_Myungsoo could feel blood on his arms, finally realizing what he had done. He started to cry, not knowing what to do anymore. He dropped his weapon and sat still._

_It was hours before he heard someone coming, stepping inside the room. Myungsoo froze, not knowing who it was. A police?_

_“Ah…” The stranger said, once he saw the scene, “I don’t have to work much. Good.”_

_“Who are you?” Myungsoo asked, his voice hoarse from all the screaming and crying he had done._

_“Me?” The stranger said, “I am a Grim Reaper.”_

_“A Grim Reaper?” Myungsoo repeated in disbelief, but deciding that he should believe it, “Can you take my life, too?”_

_Myungsoo figured that he really had no reason to live anymore. Even if he continued living, he would have to go to jail for murder. He had no one to take care of him anymore, he had no one to live for. He didn't know how to continue living, his life had no purpose. He figured that it will be better for him to die._

_“Hmm,” Myungsoo can feel the stranger stood—squatting, probably—in front of him. The stranger smelt like dry maple leaves. “It’s not the time for you to die, yet.”_

_“Why not? I don’t have any purpose to live. I can just die.”_

_The stranger touched his face._

_“No. Not yet. You should come with me.”_

_The next thing Myungsoo knew, the house he had been living in for years was on fire and Myungsoo had no choice but to follow the stranger because even though he felt that he should die, that didn't mean Myungsoo really wanted to die._

_The stranger and he arrived at a house and Myungsoo wondered what the stranger would do to him, even feared that the stranger would be like the man he had just killed. He didn't expect the stranger to clean and treat his wounds, he didn't expect the stranger to feed him, he didn't expect the stranger to give him a house._

_He definitely didn't expect the stranger to give him a reason to live._

 

*****

 

Myungsoo might be blind, but he is not stupid.

When he says he wants to know where Howon lives, he means it. If Howon is not going to tell him where he lives, then Myungsoo is going to find out by himself. He might be not able to completely see everything, but he can still see lights and some colors. He can remember scents and sounds well and these are the ways he can see.

Howon doesn’t know how hard Myungsoo tries to remember the colors patterns and the smells of their surroundings when Howon takes him out on a walk. He also remembers the smells Howon picks up on his way to Myungsoo’s house, using it as the traces he needs to trace to find Howon’s house.

He has been searching a lot of times with no luck and he never gives up.

It may seem silly, the need to know too much things about Howon like this. But he really wants to know everything about Howon, wants to be truly a part of Howon’s life, not just a side story, no matter how dangerous it is. It’s stupid, how he depends his life on Howon’s existence. But he really doesn’t have anyone else in his life other than Howon. Like a duckling, he has imprinted himself to Howon.

He has been walking around for a long time, but he is not sure if he ever found the place. Maybe if he does found the place, he doesn’t realize it. He realizes that even if he finds it, he won’t know. No one knows Howon’s real name other than him.

He stops walking when a familiar perfume scent passes by him. He doesn’t get a chance to ponder about it when he suddenly feels someone hits him with small rocks.

“Wah, he’s blind!”

 _Ah, children._ He feels a few other rocks coming at him. He tries to walk away but he ends up tripping, falling hard on the ground with no one to help him. The children laugh at him, yelling out that he can’t see, and continues to throw small rocks at him. He can only cover his face, trying to block the attacks, unable to get up.

He can’t help but think, _how can children be so cruel?_

“Yah, you brats! What the fuck are you doing?” A familiar voice yell at the children, making them gasps. Myungsoo can hear the children running away, probably feeling scared.

Myungsoo touches the ground, searching for his thrown cane. He doesn’t search for long before a hand grab his wrist and force him to stand up and dragging him away from the place he fell.

He stops being dragged when they arrive at what must be a secluded area. Howon lets go of his hand and force Myungsoo’s body to face him.

“What are you doing here?” Howon asks, sounding really angry.

“I told you I’m going to find out where you live.” Myungsoo answers, calmly. He is not scared. He really is not scared.

“I told you not to do something like that.”

“I just want to know where you live. Why can’t I?!”

Myungsoo feels a stinging slap on his cheek, a hard slap that making him lose his balance again, meeting the ground for the second time that day.

“Do you want to die?!” Howon yells at him, his fists are balled.

“If it means that I will always be with you, then I’m going to die!” Myungsoo yells back, finally feeling frustrated. This is stupid. Really stupid.

“Stop it.” Howon says, his voice is shaking.

“I love you.” Myungsoo says quietly, “I love you a lot.”

“You can’t love me.” Howon says, “I’m a danger.”

Howon drags him to another place.

 

*****

 

“Please…please don’t kill me.” A scared voice begs between sobs, “I will give you anything you want!”

Myungsoo stands and stays silent, not knowing what to do. The man yelps in pain when Howon hits the man hard, making Myungsoo flinches. He is pretty sure that the place they are in now is trashed, from the fight between Howon and the man.

Howon wins.

“I’m going to have a kid!” The man yells, pleading again, “Please, my wife needs me!”

The man can’t say anything more, his voice gets muffled. Not long after that, Myungsoo hears a _BANG,_ a loud gunshot that almost deafens him. Myungsoo bites his lips, trying not to let any sound out. It’s silence, before Myungsoo starts to smell gasoline.

Howon leads him away from the place before the building burns on fire, before anyone finding them there. On the way, Howon whispers to him, “You know that this is what I do.”

Howon is a Grim Reaper. A Grim Reaper takes people’s lives away.

 

*****

 

Myungsoo hugs himself in the midst of warm water, water pouring into his head while he stays silent, eyes empty and face blank. He can’t shake off the scenario of the murder running in his head, the murder that he has witnessed.

Howon washes his hair for him, carefully cleaning him of every dirt on his body. They have been silent since they arrived.

“Do you still love me, now?” Howon quietly asks, showing the insecurity that he rarely shows.

“Yes,” Myungsoo says, even after what Howon showed him, “I still love you.”

Because he has always known about everything. He has known since a long time ago, even though Howon doesn’t tell him. That never stops him from wanting to always spend every second of his life with Howon.

“You are so stupid.” Howon says. He says this a lot, but he never means it. No matter how cruel Howon is being to him, no matter how mean his words are, Myungsoo is not affected.

“Can’t you tell me to go away?”

Howon doesn’t say it, but Myungsoo knows what Howon truly wants to say. _Tell me to go away, because I can’t stand leaving you on my own._

“I can’t.” Myungsoo says, “I can’t live without you.”

How can he tell Howon to leave him? Not when Howon puts so many efforts in making sure Myungsoo lives well? Making sure Myungsoo doesn’t smell the scents of blood and gasoline on his body, always putting washing himself and putting on perfumes before he meets Myungsoo? Bringing him flowers and replacing the wilting ones on the vases, making sure that Myungsoo always stays safe and doesn’t get involved in his dark business?

How can he tell Howon to leave him, when Howon loves him so much?

 

*****

 

They’re hugging under a sheet of a blanket, their naked body giving each other warmth. Myungsoo feels so comfortable. For a long time, this is one of the few moments they—or rather, Howon—feel really relaxed, like they’ve finally really let go of the things that scare them.

“You can’t go away.” Myungsoo says, “You really can’t go away.”

He says that too many times.

Howon runs his hand across Myungsoo’s hair, staring at him with sad eyes. Myungsoo continues,”If you go away, I’m going to die.”

It’s childish. It’s stupid. People won’t be able to comprehend why Myungsoo keeps wanting Howon. But for Myungsoo, it all makes sense. Without Howon, Myungsoo would not be able to live, anyway.

“I won’t go.” Howon says, “But—“

“I’m not scared. Anything you do won’t make me scared.” Myungsoo says, not giving Howon a chance to continue, “But can’t you stop?”

“They won’t let me.” Howon says, with a sigh. Of course, Howon never kills because he wants to. If he kills because of his own wanting, then he would have already stopped since a long time ago.

Howon buries his face in the crook of Myungsoo’s neck, while Myungsoo hugs him tighter. Myungsoo whispers, “I love you.”

Howon doesn’t respond until several seconds later, whispering back, “I love you.”

Myungsoo smiles, before closing his eyes to go to sleep. It’s the first time Howon finally says that he loves him, making Myungsoo hopes that this will be a start for a happy ending.

It’s a stupid wish, a wish to live freely and happily with Howon, but Myungsoo can’t help but keep wishing.


End file.
